Shadowless Love

2006-09-12T06:23:00.000-07:00

11 / 9 / 2oo6

haix.. nv even talk a single word to her today.. Me and her like strangers like tat.. haix.. but no matter how difficult it is gonna be,, I will not give her up..

hmms.. after Pe that time wanted to go up and see her.. But scare she feel irritated,, so decided to quietly go see.. but.. when Im going up,, WAHS!!! she is coming towards the gurls toilet.. that means She may turn and see me.. So quickly jumb down the stairs and go down hide,, don noe she got see me not.. hope no bahx.. =S..
recess that time did not go pei her.. scare disturp her.. haix.. Aso no mood to eat.. So walk around to find friends to talk talk lohs.. wander around for quite a while before I saw meng xuan.. then she ask me to go somewhere talk talk lohs.. So we go outside of our class,, got a table to sit.. So we make it there.. haix.. Saw her walking down.. So much wanted to jux say hi to her.. but its jux feel weird.. I juc don understand y.. I cant do it!! haix.. maybe she will feel happy without me bahx.. let me jux walk out of her life bahx.. I don wanna ruin her life.. Mus tell sharlene mummy to take care of her liaos,, or ppl bully her and I not there then die die liaos..
Everyday jux see her smile can liaos.. And God,, plz make sure that this streaming exam she will get into 3ea,, her dream class.. And I will thank you.. If not she is bond to be sad ders.. I DON WAN HER TO BE SAD!!! plz understand me feelings..
I love you..

~ Faded souL ~

Last day of holiday...

2006-09-10T03:47:00.000-07:00

Arghs!!!! Last day lers!!! and Im still not done with my packing and ironing of my clothes!!! haix.. today have to rush them all up lers.. but luckly,, I have completed all my holiday homework.. hehexx.. x))

hmms.. today went to Singapore EXPO to walk walk with parents.. Actually don wan go ders.. but go out breathe the fresh air better than staying at home so siian rites?? hahaxx.. So I decide to go.. (At least I did not regret going there..)

hmms.. Reach there liaos the first thing my mama see was the John little mega sale.. So she went in.. I was like,, " Diiaos.. have to wait for her again.. " haix.. don wanna elaborate on this part.. only a waste on time.. hahaxx..
okie.. we finihs shopping at John little.. our next destination,, hall 6 ~ selling food stuff..
went in there.. So dam crowded sia.. have been squeese badly back at the entrance.. walk for quite a while,, walk and walk and walk and pass by a shark's fin store.. my mama ask me if im hungry and if I wanna eat not.. I told her the same old word.. " anything lohs.. " hahaxx. then I give a turn towards the store.. As I turn,, I saw someone that looks like HER.. then I look clearly again.. wow.. its really HER.. SHE didnt see me anyway.. but I see HER already happy enough lers..
then I went back to quene up.. I aso don noe how lahs,, quene until SHE is infront of me.. o.0..
A bit scary.. then SHE made a U-turn,, and saw me.. I wanted to say hi.. but SHE see me with an abit weird expression that I don dare to say hi liaos.. then SHE jux walked pass me like we are strangers!! haix.. I regreted not saying hi sia.. but I cant turn back time rites?? haix.. I missed the chance sia.. Im not gonna miss anymore chance next time!!
then when I reached back home,, I called sharlene mummy and tell her abt that matter.. She say SHE saw someone that looks like me but not sure if its really me not.. then I think,, no wonder SHE treat me like someone SHE don noe like tat.. hahaxx..

hmms,, this is my day..
Ops,, I forget its the last day of holidays!!
hahaxx.. let this day be in my mermories bahx..

~ Faded souL ~

Second last day of holidays..

2006-09-09T09:08:00.000-07:00

With a blink of an eye,,
It already the last day of the sch holidays..

hahaxx..
I manage to complete my chinese homework within an hour 2day..
then I went online to see if she's online not..
coz quite long nv talk to her liaos..
hmms.. haven online..
but sharlene mummy online lers..
she say she BRB (be right back)..
but actually she is floodin me.. o.O
then she ask me to see my friendster..
LOL..
she flooded me 30++..
then she told me y she do that..
blah blah blah..

then followed by gary's flooding..
WOW!!!!!..
2k+++ testi sia..
I accept until siian liaos..
my sis come in and flood me again..-_-lll
Total : 5k+++ testi needed to accept..
dotz..
lucky I had my revenage!!
my sis kana 4k+++ from me..
gary,, I still don noe..
but I guess it arent little..
hahaxx..
I felt Im so bad..
But the done cannot be undone..
wad u expect??
ask me to go into their acc and delete every single testi I send huhs??
I don have the time to do that..
Im sorrie if my actions has cause you to be angry or someting..
Im do it out of fun only..

I guess this is my day bahx..

I miss her lots..
hmms..
seems like she has found someone that can complete her life le..
hahaxx..
Im happy for her.

Grrrr..
hate myself..
I should be giving her happiness..
but It seems like Im ruining her life..
ruining her EVERYTHING!!!
I guess its time to let go lers..
maybe she will find happiness with the one she likes??
hope so bahx..
I give her my blessings..
Jux wan her to noe that I love her..
I will always be there for her when she needs someone to be with her..
and I wan her to be happy..
I guess thats all I hope for..

~ Faded souL ~

too much changes..

2006-09-07T19:01:00.000-07:00

haix.. there is too much changes.. too much..

my parents jux cant stop venting their anger on me..

they jux don get wad i meant..

I ask them for some freedom which I should have..

they tell me that Im demanding too much..

I cant even go out with my friends,,

and they say their giving me freedom??

Im jux asking for 1 day with I can go out myself,,

and I can decide my own things myself..

but they jux don understand me..

they want me to understand them,,

but they cant think that they have to aso understand us..

haix.. my life sucks!!!

I miss her..

I hope to see her and share with her all my ups and downs..

but the moment I see her,,

my mind is a total blank!!

I wanna noe how she feel abt me..

Is she avoiding me??

don wanna talk to me??

or some other reasons??

if she really don like me to be present at her life..

I don mind,,

I will prominse the next mins,,

I will be out of her sight..

I don wan her to be unhappy jux because of me..

I wan her to be happy..

haix..

life is full of ups and downs..

u wont noe when will be the day u will break down

~faded soul~

Dated : 06 september 2oo6

2006-09-06T03:30:00.000-07:00

haix.. Jux had my dinner.. did not have a gd one..

This dinner,, I cant eat much,, only ate half of the whole plate..
then felt like throwing up,, so went to drink some water..
felt better after that..
So came to study room to on the com..
then the feeling comes again,,
I ran to the toilet and lucky I went there on time..
almost everything I ate was throw out to the toilet bowl..
haiz,, wads rong with my stomach??
its already 3 weeks I haven ate a complete meal..
my stomach jux don wanna accept all those food..
even if its mac,, kfc,, wad ever nice food aso cant finish..
haiz..
Im afraid I might jux break down one day..
Hope this 'illness' will not last long..

this is my day today..
not a gd day,,
but still a day..

Hope she will have a gd day today..

~Faded soul~

3 days away from the world..

2006-09-05T01:54:00.000-07:00

The only word I can say.. haiz..

Everything jux changed after I gone to the camp..

My parents did not get along well with each other,,

So they vent most of their anger on me and my sister..

And my sister usually pushes the blame to me..

making me always kana scolded..

Those scolding,, those blaming,,

make me feel so stress ;;

She did not online at all ever since I came back till now..

I don even have a single word with her since I came back from the camp..

I don have the daringness to sms her,,

coz her sms over-shoot and I was partly at fault..

call her??

I think not..

she may not pick up,,

making me more sad ;;

my friends and I did not talk as often and as close and before..

coz some went to work for extra cash,,

some have homework to do,,

some have gone overseas,,

some have family day,,

some have sch activities..

haiz... I was the only one left out..

It was like I was 3 days away from everyone,,

I don wan this to happen..

I don wanna be trapped 3 days behind of the world..

It isnt fun,, it isnt nice..

living in the past..

It totally hurts..

I am so lonely..

My presence is no longer important to the world..

no one's there to help me,,

no one's there to hear me,,

no one's there to advise me,,

Im all alone,,

By myself,,

In my shadowless world..

Now my only hope,,

Is to leave this regretful world as soon as possible..

~faded soul~

Dated : o4 september 2oo6

2006-09-04T22:57:00.000-07:00

Jux came back from Patrol Leaders Training Course (PLTC) today.. hahaxx.. not gonna talk every single thing that happen in the camp,, coz It will take abt 3 days to finish and 3ooo words to explain.. o.0.. A bit lame.. LOLx.. Im going to go straight to the point..

hmms.. Before I reach the campsite hors,, I a bit scare sia.. coz I have a bad feeling that it will going ot be a tough camp and I might fail the course.. I aso got tot of acting sick then go home jux to pon this camp lehs.. but lata I think,, I have already done my session plan,, nv go is like waste of time doing the plan lohs.. So in the end,, I decided to go.. x)

then,, after our first day,, I was like,, " lucky I nv go home arhs,, if not I will regret my whole bloody life man!!! " Coz the camp is quite slack,, hardly done any pumping or punishment.. not say don have lahs.. but very little!!

our patrol mates are all okie okie,, some too quiet.. some very fun to play and talk with.. but the only one that is the most extra and most slowest one is the acting patrol leader!!! no matter at wad programme,, he will always be the last one to be there.. and when ppl is teaching they session plan,, he will always be there to make the ppl teaching's life difficult.. And he will always shoot u and then pan wei say he nv say those words,, he say other things.. Feel like shooting him in frout of the scout leader.. but in the end,, the whole patrol planned something for him.. At his session teaching, we make his life the most difficult and very little chance to pass.. first,, when he teach abt the basic,, we pretend that we cant hear clearly.. so he have to repeat over and over again, making the marker's head shake, LoL.. (shake head means going to - marks).. second,, he did some activities that needed the patrol mates to help ders.. he ask us to take off our scarf.. we at there don wan to take off.. he got nth to do but to use his own one.. LOL!!! So end up is He solo doing the activity and we playing tick-tack-toe.. and again,, the marker shake his head.. okie then it is the end of his lesson,, the marker talks abt his bad points.. u noe wad he say?? " huh?? I got do all my things lohs.. is the patrol sabo me ders lohs.. " then it was like.. diao -_-lll.. bloody sore loser sia,, ppl is learn from mistake,, he is complain and muz win ders.. the motto he has in his mind,, 'I muz win!'.. dots...

Aiyo,, don talk abt him liao lahs.. talk abt the food there.. its not bad lahs.. quite standard.. like rice for lunch and dinner for the whole 3 days.. LoL.. better than nth rite?? hahaxx.. but I cant eat much the first day..maybe its like wad sharlene mummy says,, my heart don wanna take the food in bahx.. So I listen to mummy.. At least eat some to have the energy for the rest of the day..

Talking abt the first nite?? haha.. the night games not really fun.. coz I kana caught for chasing someone by running.. then I was banned from playing the game until after halftime.. hmms,, the tent we build this morning was very shuang to sleep in.. That was where I did my review question until I fall asleep.. I do do do then lie down a while,, think whether she is lonely not,, whether she is asleep by now,, whether got ppl accompany her anot if she wasnt asleep now.. haiz.. really miss her badly.. thats when I fall asleep and the next thing I knew,, it was already dawn..

this is wad happen during the first day.. u see,, first day already so long liaos.. second day got more activities means more story to tell.. the second day ders will be the next coming post.. =)

Dated : o5 september 2oo6

2006-09-04T22:48:00.000-07:00

hahaxx.. Im back!! For the writing of the second day of the camp.. hmms,, the second day has nth much to talk abt.. I'll try to rite as many as I noe.. okie?? hahaxx..

At abt 4pm,, the sirs suddenly call us wake up and told us to pack all our things and fall in by 10 mins.. most of us cant sleep,, so we can take it.. but the rest was like blur blur,, still in their dreamland.. so we did one thing.. "got frog on ur head!!!!" wow.. I did not noe that method is so cool and reliable.. LOL.. they kana scared then their eyes are wide open after that.. So funny man..
After we packed finsh,, quickly close our tent and run to the gathering point.. The next thing we knew,, WAD THE HECK!!! Its the hike!!! I have read through the programme list,, The hike will take abt 4 hours.. And we are forced to carry every single belonging we brought for the hike.. I was like, " ****!! I should not have bring so many things lohs,, somemore mine is sling bag lehs.. haiz,, wad choice do we have?? the first destination was actually turn right and walk straight and settled.. U noe wad the bloody pl say?? "0,, this one arhs.. so easy lahs.. trun left then walk straight can liaos.. ",, so we walk and walk and walk until the venture guide told us whether we are walking the correct way not.. " WE WALK FOR ABT 2KM WITH OUR BLOODY HEAVY BAGS AND NOW THEN U TELL US WE ARE WALKING THE WRONG WAY ?!?!? we make a U-turn and walk straight again which make us waste our time for our breakfast.. LUCKY for us,, the next 3 destination was correct and the ventures help us by taking away 2 of our heavy bags.. but the most stupid thing was.. we have all our food on our hands.. but all the equipments that is needed to cook those food and open those canned was all at the bag!!! we did not have a gd lunch but I don mind cause I don feel like eating anyway,, LoL.. then we hike back to our campsite with the ventures.. and have some warming down and thats the end of the hike.. So dam tired!!!

next Im going to tell is the campfire that night!!!! not the best from those I had before,, but is the top 10 liaos.. =) hmms,, still the same lohs.. sing some songs then perform.. oh ya.. got 1 horss.. wahs.. that is the most funny one in that campfire.. is abt speeding kills.. first,, there is a car driving at normal speed.. then,, another car come while traffic is red light.. the guy inside the car ask for a race.. then they started racing.. the sound was human made and it was so race,, better than sean's one(LOL).. hahaxx. then nth much that is nice to say lers..

hmms.. jux hope I will pass my course bahx..And I hope that She and I can talk and become friends like before bahx.. Coz my position is sure to be lowered ders.. haix..

~faded soul~

Dated : o1 septmeber 2oo6

2006-09-01T06:42:00.000-07:00

hmms.. Another day have past liaos, Tml going to camp liaos.. Gonna miss her lots lots lots.. =(((

where should I start?? okie.. I out with sean to hougang mall for his patorl meeting.. We meet at 1.. I was late a bit lahs.. but hors.. The sir late until abt 1.30!!! Stand near swttalk there until my legs wanna broken liaos.. then the sun is burning me off man..

okie bahx.. don wanna elaborate abt the suituation in the meeting..,, so boring..After the meeting,, which is abt 10 mins lata.. we go to beach road to buy some camp stuff.. sorrie huixin, my card no more money so cant sms liaos.. actually have ders.. I sms halfway then someone call,, talk talk talk until my fone left 98 cents..o.0 and the limit of the sms is at least $1!! Should not have ans the call or I can sms with her longer lohs.. haiz.. 2 cents lehs!!!

hmms,, we reach there liaos.. found out that the stock of the scout name tag is not ready yet.. we go find the whole level.. all don have scouts ders.. and all say the same words.. "ermxx,, I recommond u to shop 166,, there have all kinds of name tag ders",, But the problem is,, there got no stock!!..hmms.. after that I saw a pants $8 nia.. wanna buy for my sis as brithday.. but when go home that time,, my sis cant wear!!,, I wear aso a bit loose..
After that,, I and sean go compass point walk walk.. haixx.. the same old things, go see handphone and then go home lohs.. nth much happen..

haix.. Are u avoiding me?? Plz tell me if u really are.. I don wan to make ur life miserable jux becoz I entered ur life.. I don wan u to be sad or moodless.. I jux wan u to be happy.. thats all.. If u wan me to leave ur life.. I will make sure the next sec,, U will not see me anymore.. I promise you.. ~regrets~ how I wish I can turn time back to when we are having those happy and unforgotten mermories.. But this is impossible..
love ya,, happy always..

~Faded soul~

Dated : 31 Aug 2oo6

2006-08-31T02:24:00.000-07:00

hmms.. Last day of term of sch lers.. means abt 1 week cant see her.. Gonna miss her =(..
today so siian lohs.. Call pizza delivery then actually wanna gib teacher eat one piece ders.. but in the end,, our class de ppl eat eat eat until left nth.. some of those hu pay aso nv eat sia.. haiz.. mission fail today.. but at least mrs lim understand that we wanted to gib her and she is already happy.. hahaxx.. At least not TOTALLY fail; hahaxx,, xP.. mrs lim and every teacher that taught me.. HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY!!! W000000000000!!!

haiz.. today actually wanna go meet my former teacher, mr soh, with ying jhia and samantha ders.. but the taxi driver hors.. so dam **** sia.. tell him the sch,, he say " ermxx,, u have to tell me how to go wad. " I was like.. ' siao arhs,, u taxi driver don noe how to take ppl to places,, still need the customer to tell u how to go to places,, like tat don become taxi driver better lahs.. ' LoL.. then hors,, drop us at serangoon JC,, lucky no need pay money or I really scold the driver liao lohs.. At the bus stop there,, NO TAXI AT ALL!!! all kana hired 1.. we 3 waited for half an hour and still no sign of a unhired taxi.. then in the end,, ying jhia and samantha go to compassvale pri then I go home..

When reach home hors,, drenched from head to toe.. the bloody rain,, when I sit in the bus not so heavy ders lehs.. then I walking home that time then start to become heavier and heavier.. I now like a bit fever liaos.. Scare tml cant go to scout meeting and the following day can go PLTC!! =((

hmms.. this is my day today.. haiz.. I miss her lots.. wonder wad she is doing now?? Is she having fun?? hope so bahx.. =)) Love ya always..